bleeding

my heart just keep bleeding when i recieve your msg ... it seem so fake .... it really the end of our journey... it seem like all you have say is fake fake fake... all your promiss and your words are fake... in a few days only ... im from bf to cf to f.... what i have done to deserve this ... i feel really cheated... still say will think till b4 my trip... is all rubbish ... what have you treat me as... a piece of shit ... i felt that im just a subsitute of somebody ... i still cant understand why i deserve this ... never get to sit with you in church ... even your Ex did it .... argh.... feel like dieing ... everything seem to be FAKE..

im so so sad.... and i so stupid to cry for you ... ARGH!!! always give me false hope ... why do you like me in the first place ... nv even do somthing for me .... actually im looking forward to our one yr ani ... but but ... why ... i prepare so many for you ... i even prepare to stay in singapore to study ... i even wanna study econ so to help you ... dont you feel anything ?? do i look like a fool to you ?? hey ans me!! USE ME AND THROW AWAY ME!! hey im not a toy okay .... do you know im thinking of buying you mp3 player ... sigh i guess you dunno... did you know i care for you so much that i sacrify alot of my precious thing ??

i guess you dont know!!! never even apreciate what i have done for you ... Grrr... ARgh!!! the worst thing is being with you make me look like a cheater to alot of my friz ... say i bluff xiao mei mei ... guess you dunno i take alot of stress also ... even my parent say we wont be together but i still tell them we will... im really love you that i just willing to die for you .... but i guess it all not worth it ... all so stupid... i should not even have started .... grr... sob sob sob how i wish im at other country now ...

the most tupid thing is i still cant forget you ... i still think of you ... when i close my eyes i will see you ... even when i slp i see you in my dream... ARGH!!!!..... i still worried abt you ...

what should i do ?? i tried alot of thing just not to think of you ... but but i guess is hard becos i really true from my heart i love you ... is not just feeling but also the commitment ....
Suess you wont feel that way ... cos im just like a stopgap and a subsitute...
sigh!!